A word on punishment

Though punishment is a term which is interpreted in a variety of ways depending on the setting, the word punishment is predominantly negative. Often parents interchange punishment and discipline. When working with parents and talking about losing all negativity (or as much as humanly possible), the term discipline is preferred. We throw out the word punishment. Basically there never needs to be punishment in parenting. WHAT? Most parents freak out immediately when hearing this. How will children ever learn anything? Well actually there are tons of studies indicating that punishment is pretty ineffective.

As a parent, do we really want to punish our children? How awful that is. And what does a parent punishing their child do to the relationship between a parent and child? And if teaching is the goal shouldn’t parents try to find the most effective ways to teach. Positive methods that are reasonable seem to be working really well for positive parents. For the sake of parenting discipline is teaching. Period. There is no punishment ever.

There is a formula that works for the entire world and that is that privileges, advantages, and benefits in life are a direct result of responsible behavior. So if children are not responsible, they lose their privileges, rights, benefits, and advantages naturally.

Unfortunately, responsible parents have the unpleasant responsibility to teach these lessons therefore, parents are responsible for implementing the consequences. But parents hate having to do this part of the job. So instead of implementing the punishment like a warden in a prison, or like the enemy, parents are sincere and sorry when their children lose privileges and children understand this.

The idea is that if we can view discipline as teaching, then there is no need for punishment or any other negative interaction.