Independence Day ?

Happy 4th of July or as I like to say Happy Independence Day!

Independence...now that is a good topic for parenting. It is interesting that parents always want their children to become more independent, yet parents constantly tell their children what to do, how to do it, and how they should feel, etc.

When children start to become independent parents often resist it. Point is parents want their children to be independent, but it is a hard process for both children and parents.

Children and adolescents becoming independent is a complicated, slow, and sometimes a fragile process that is often discussed during coaching because it creates so much conflict among family members. Independence can often be camouflaged as defiance, disrespect, or rebellious behavior.

Children becoming independent can be scary for both parents and children. The parent's overt reaction to independence doesn't usually look or fell to the children like concern or fear. It usually looks and feels like control, power, lack of trust, and anger.

Becoming independent is a long dance with time between parents and children. Toes will be stepped on, the music will change tempo, but both are required to keep trying to understand what the other is doing and what is the best way to react so that the dance can be fun and as smooth as possible, until one day the dance is over and both parent and child can be independent of one another. A big change for both!

Both must be ready to separate and end the dance, so independence is not just about the children and what they do to become independent. Parents play a significant role in preparing children for independence. Parents have many tough jobs as parents but not many are more difficult than learning how to still be a great parent and let their children be truly independent!