Protecting vs. controlling our children

Naturally parents want to protect their children. I often work with families that try to control just about every situation in order to protect their children. Though very well intended, controlling or preventing your children from trying new things is not a good idea.

Children need to try new things in order to learn new things. Everyone learns much better by doing and children are not exempt of this rule. Parents should encourage children to do new things. Parent scan and should provide support and information to them to best prepare them.

Also parents ( especially dad's with their daughters..sorry dads) need to allow their children to do things that are age appropriate and socially appropriate. Teenagers want to communicate with other teens ( mostly texting nonstop) , they are interested in their sexuality and development, they are interested and like in all sorts of things that adults do not understand, and parents need be able to manage the balance of allowing their children to grow, explore, experience, and learn while keeping them safe and well prepared for life.

I know it is worrisome sometimes but respect their natural and appropriate desire for more privacy and life experience that you will not be part of. Be there for them when they need you. Safety always first but be sure to keep the lines of communication open. Parenting is not about parents controlling, it is about teaching and preparing your children for life and independence.

A Word on Corporal Punishment

Real simple. Do you want or like to be hit, spanked, or physically harmed in any way?
Does being harmed in any way by someone motivate you? What would you learn?

Oh corporal punishment will change behavior BUT only as long as the victim is vulnerable!

If you could teach your children how to be responsible, think for themselves, and make positive productive decisions without corporal punishment...wouldn't you?

Parenting is without debate the hardest job on the planet. Parenting therefore requires many skills and much knowledge. Discipline can be complicated. Bottom line is Information is available for parents.

If you haven't read my article about spanking, please do so.
http://www.examiner.com/examiner/x-9038-Baltimore-Family-Issues-Examiner~y2009m6d3-To-spank-or-not-to-spank

If you have any questions, comments, concerns, or need further assistance for being a positive, healthy, effective parent please contact me and I will be happy to help!

role modeling

Adolescent Attitude

There is so much to say about adolescents. First and foremost they are awesome...so interested in everything, so adventuresome, full of energy, so invincible ( in their minds), determined, independent ( again in their minds), and changing so fast...OK I know they are also a big giant pain in the butt! Their mood changes with the wind, they are snippy, they are rebellious, and oh so sloppy ..they seem so irresponsible and private. That beautiful child that used to love you and hug you and be so happy to make you smile now seems to have forgotten all you have done for him or her...

Well parents can you please just remember that they have a lot going on. With all the physical, emotional, and social changes, growth, and adaptation, they are managing it is hard to be responsible and deal well with a nagging parent. And we must admit most parents do not have optimal positive parenting skills that they have been using since the birth. After all these years of yelling, punishment, nit picking, prying into their business, doing everything for them, lecturing, threatening, commanding, demanding, controlling, etc etc...they have had enough.

They know they are supposed to grow up and separate from you. They know they are supposed to get an education, make good decisions, be independent and self supportive and it is all scary as crap!

Detaching from you is as hard for them as it is for you.(though they will never admit that to you) Treat them with respect and they will be respectful, let unimportant issues pass, allow them to express themselves respectfully, let them screw up the small stuff and be there to support them, remember safety first always! ( There is way to much to say about all this..just a drop in a bucket here.)

Of course we must teach them to be responsible and respectful, but if you are a good role model
(which means you behave exactly as you would expect them to behave) and approach all issues, challenges, and concerns in a positive, teaching, loving, productive way, (and if you do not know how to do that I can teach you)I assure you they are pretty certain to grow up and be happy, healthy, responsible and respectful adults.

Positive Parenting Class

"Positive Parenting"
Parenting can be the hardest job on the planet!

1) Learn to reduce, minimize, or eliminate your stress and negativity!
2) Learn all the proven effective, positive parenting strategies.
3) Develop a discipline system that works for your family.
4) Learn how to perfect implementation of your discipline system!

If you are a parent who wants their children to be:
- Safe - Happy - Healthy - Respectful - Responsible - Confident - Independent - Able to think for themselves - Cooperative - Motivated -
- Able to make good choices - Communicative - Self disciplined - Enthusiastic about having a good relationship with you - Successful -

Instructor: MS Child /Adolescent therapist, Parent Expert/Coach, PhD student
Location: Baltimore City - Canton area
Fees: $25.00 per participant, 40$ per couple
Date/Time: December 2 & 9th, 2009 , 6:30 - 8:30 p.m. (4hrs)
Registration is required
Seating is limited

For more information: Contact Dianne DeSantis MS
positiveparentingusa@gmail.com
Call 410-528-3329
www.positiveparentingusa.com