Parents talking too much?

Parents talk way too much!

Most parents spend an enormous amount of unnecessary energy talking to their children. Parents are constantly telling children what to do. They give commands to their children nonstop throughout the day. Whether it is something a parent wants a child to do or something a parent wants a child to stop doing, it doesn’t matter parents just talk too much.

There are a few reasons parents need to consider how much they talk to their children. I will list those reasons in a moment. I say talk to them and not with them, because I am not speaking about the healthy, productive conversations. I am talking about all the annoying, unnecessary commands given to children each day. For example, “wake up”, “eat your breakfast”, “get dressed”, “brush your teeth”, “get your book bag”, “put on your jacket”, “shut the door”, “turn off the TV”, “stop that”, “don’t do this or don’t do that”, “get off the computer”, “be quiet”. “stay away from that kid”, “go to sleep”, and on and on.

The first reason that parents should consider how much they talk is that though this command giving is typical parent behavior, it is also mostly a waste of energy and not the most productive way to teach children. Also, parents wonder why children ignore them, don’t listen to them, or pretend they do not hear their parents. Duh? Imagine if bosses stood over employees and said” turn your computer on, pick up your mail, write this memo, fix this part”, etc. Oh my.

Another reason for parents to stop talking so much is very simple. If parents talked less, children would attend to what parents say more. If children knew that when parents do talk it is important and they will probably miss out on important information, then they will listen. Just the physiological aspects of the parents voice becoming like constant white noise in the background is enough to understand this concept.

Also remember the importance of role modeling. Children will behave as a parent behaves way before a child will do what a parent says on many levels, from smoking, drinking, education, employment, healthy relationships, etc.

One of the most important reasons that parents need to be quiet more often is because parents will promote the behaviors they attend to. If parents constantly give a child attention for all sorts of annoying little behaviors then the child will continue those behaviors. This is not rocket science. Children want their parent’s attention and guess what …they figure out very quickly how to get it. Children do not care if it negative attention, they just want attention. Understand that they would prefer positive attention but basically it is natural for most parents to ignore expected, appropriate behaviors. Acknowledging appropriate behavior is equally important as ignoring inappropriate behavior however that is another topic to be discussed in another article.

If parents can ignore safe annoying behavior, the behavior will stop eventually. Remember safety is always first. Many behaviors can be very annoying but if a parent really wants the behavior to stop just ignore it as long as it is safe.

Lastly a reason for parents to only state what is important is so parents learn to inform children what needs to happen instead of barking commands at them all day, every day. It is a parent’s responsibility to teach children how to think for themselves and learn to make good, healthy decisions. They will desperately need this skill as teenagers.
So instead of “put a jacket on” a parent might say “it’s cold outside today”. Or instead of “come eat”, how about saying “dinner is ready”. Teaching children is all about giving information.

Hopefully children realize by the time they are in school that they need to take their book bag with them, yet parents insist to say it. That really is quite insulting. What if your spouse would say “take your briefcase”? Of course children need guidance and support but no one needs to be told what to do all the time. Nor will anyone appreciate being given commands all day, even children.

Naturally modifying behavior does not stop here. Parents must learn what to do when behavior is inappropriate and doesn’t stop or is intolerable. Again another discussion for another time but basically it is all in the approach. Parent must maintain a positive philosophy and know how to inform children of what needs to happen and then know how to implement positive effective discipline, which is teaching, so that a child can learn.

I forgot to mention the benefit to parents. Imagine how much less stressful it would be for parents to talk even 50% less. Parents would save so much energy. The home would be so much more quiet and pleasant. Imagine how much more calm everyone could be with just a few parenting skills and a few changes.

Parents can learn how to manage or modify children’s behavior and to teach children how to be responsible and respectful. Remember parents are the ones who usually have taught their child to behave they way they do, so they certainly have the ability to undo and teach new behavior when necessary. After all, parents are supposed to be smarter and more experienced than children…right?