Repeating yourself

What is the point of repeating yourself to your children? Do you think they really didn't hear you?
Do you think they have impaired hearing? You should probably get that checked. Do you repeat yourself as a courtesy to your child? Maybe...that's nice. How many times? 2 times, 4 times, 8 times, 20 times...that's not nice any more. Now you are being not so smart and a nuisance. You wonder why children ignore you are dependent on you reminding them for everything.

OK so instead...just be kind and take action. Say what needs to be one once, maybe a kind reminder...they are children and learning, then do what needs to happen. And parents can you please not be mad. This is your responsibility to teach your children how the world works...so when the toys are not picked up or clothes are laying on the stairs, etc. you simply take them and put them away. Unfortunately the child has now lost the privilege of having those otems for a bit...depending on age.

Your consistency and fairness with this 'action' (implementation) will quickly and easily teach your child...you can tell them also how sorry you sincerely are that they lost the privilege since they were not responsible..what a shame....but you are just trying to be a responsible parent.
They WILL GET IT and you will not be the bad guy!

Now that was easy.

Its about education...not intelligence!

Parents...Please can you understand that learning about parenting strategies and methods that are effective and positive is not only for parents with low IQs. duh?

Children do not come with handbooks! Parenting can be very complicated and is a challenging job to do.

It doesn't matter how educated or intelligent you are...if you do not have a degree in child development or psychology etc it would be impossible for you to know details, specifics, or have comprehensive knowledge about child/human behavior.

Parenting is not just about being a good person...there are skills that can make a parent a better parent with a little education !

Coffee Shops and Children?

OK so in the last week I had three friends complain to me that when they went to the coffee shop to do some work, they were annoyed with the games moms play with their children in the midst of people studying or working quietly.

I know a coffee shop is a public venue, but common courtesy and logic must be factored in. If a mom's group wants to get together...that is wonderful but please do not go to a library or coffee shop when there are people trying to be productive and need quiet to do so!

I am not trying to offend these great moms just helping then see this from a different perspective.

As a mother or four grown children and a strong advocate of exposing children to as many environments as possible, I get why you might go there, but please be considerate. Everyone life unfortunately does not evolve around your children or parenthood.

There are thousands of other venues more suitable for hide and seek!

Also these parents are not teaching children to be considerate of others either. Come on parents please teach your children how to behave appropriately in all environments by doing so yourself!

Giving too many commands

If you are giving commands all day, you are annoying your children and teaching your children to ignore you.

Parents give commands all day long. Come eat, get ready, get your jacket, hurry up, let’s go, behave, put your stuff away, get a shower, do good in school, be nice, go change your clothes, be home by dark, ..you get the idea.

Imagine if this was how it was in the adult world? Imagine going to your friends house and all he or she did was bark commands at you…sit down, sit still, stop talking, be polite, eat your food, use your napkin, answer your phone, stop texting, etc…that would be annoying.

If parents think about how they would feel in an adult world being the recipient of the same strategies. Children feel the same way about this command giving, and it is understandable why children become annoyed.

Of course adults do not communicate that way with one another, because adults assume or know that other adults know or will figure out what they need to do. . So why do adults communicate with children this way? Do parents think children cannot figure things out? And how are children supposed to learn?

Ultimately the responsibility of the parent is to teach their children how to think and make good decisions. Right? If parents give a command or tell a child what to do, they are not allowing or training their children to think. When you tell a child what to do it does not allow the child an opportunity to think for him or herself and figure out what they need to do.

Giving commands is just one negative way of trying to get children to do what parents want. Parents always ask “well how in the world do we get our children to do what we want without telling them what to do?” Parents must consider the objective and be smarter. Parents are trying to motivate a child to do something that is in the best interest of the child or the parent.

It is natural for people to dislike being told what to do so it is natural for children to not like being told what to do. Children will learn to ignore their parents or at least ignore the command.

Yes children need guidance and explanations about what to do at times, but there are thousands of interactions each day when a child could just be given information and they could easily choose what to do.

To learn more go to www.examiner.com/x-9038-

Learning from our parents

Many parents comment about how as children they swore that they would not do as their parents did. Many parents report to me that though they turned out O.K. they want to parent their own children differently than they were parented. They say their parents were harsh or did not understand them. They report unpleasant memories or issues as a result of thinking in unhealthy ways.

So what I hear and what I see are often very different. Parents say they want to discipline or teach their children with a more positive approach and be more pleasant, yet what I see is parents doing exactly the same things as what there parents did.

Yes it is a learned behavior, deeply rooted but parents can choose to learn and parent in new positive effective ways if they are willing to be committed and make the effort.

So Parents, learn from your parents take the good and continue with it...think of the negative and learn how to do it better then your children will have the best skills ever to teach your grandchildren! How's that for exponential learning?!

Common well intended mistakes.

Parents make a few mistakes when trying to get their children to behave.

A few common mistakes are telling children what to do, yelling, repetition, lecturing, threatening, humiliating, arguing in front of children, making comparisons between children, overreacting, being inconsistent, talking negatively about challenging behaviors or traits in front of your child, and the list goes on.

Bottom line is parents can learn how to teach or discipline their children to be well behaved in positive ways. Parents can learn to manage their emotions better and be better role models. Parenting is not easy. It is by far the greatest responsibility and challenging task in the world to do well.

Parents need to seek out help with learning about social and emotional development. If parents develop positive parenting skills, life can be much less stressed and children will learn to be much more responsible, responsive, and respectful.

When one parent is not on board about being a positive parent...

Recently several parents have been reporting that though they are working very hard to be a positive parent their spouse is continuing to utilize old techniques that are very negative and ineffective.

Worse yet, this behavior amplifies the stress of parenting for the parent who is trying so hard to be calm and positive.

The good news is that the positive parents are consistently (as always) seeing positive results when they are disciplining (teaching) their children about appropriate behavior.

In the long run the positive parenting will benefit all. Teaching children will take longer if only one parent is practicing these healthy methods but they will still work.

My only suggestion to the positive parents is to utilize the same strategies on their spouse
(usually husbands...sorry guys its true). This also works.

Child abuse comes in lots of forms

Child abuse comes in many forms.

Child abuse is one of the hardest topics to think about and realize as a part of life. Child abuse can range from mild to fatal. Child abuse can be sexual, physical, or emotional. There are also many forms of abuse which are a result of neglect. Children are very vulnerable both physically and emotionally.

Children who are abused are affected in many negative ways. The effects are often profound but can also be subtle. Effects can include changes and impairments in personality, mood, social interactions, interpersonal experiences, or physical well being.

Many adults who have been victims of child abuse never disclose their abuse experiences and suffer silently with symptoms of anxiety, depression, and other related mental health issues. Another serious issue which results from abuse is that the cycle of abuse often continues. If an abused child is never able to recover from abuse emotionally then there usually are ongoing issues. Issues may cause cognitive, emotional, or behavioral impairments.

Society must take action when they know or believe that a child being abused.

Reporting child abuse is intended and usually helps children, families, and parents.

Here is a link to Maryland's counties if you need to report and get an investigation initiated about a concern.

http://www.dhr.state.md.us/cps/address.php

Drug use can destroy lives

Parents fear drug use and potential dependency on drugs. So many parents are clueless anout what to look for and how to prevent such a potentially hazardous behavior.

Parents need to get educated and be sure to provide information to their children about drugs long before they are exposed or are curious.

There are many great resources to learn about drugs and how to interact with your child about htis topic. Parents need to talk with their children and provide lots of literature to them about drug use, abuse, effects, and statistics. Show photographs and true stories to children. Be sure they are properly prepared in order to make informed decisions about what they will choose to do to their bodies and minds.

Parents should share their concerns and why they are concerned.

Parents, schools and organizations can all join forces with promoting education. Please check out this site and become a partner or recommend someone.

http://www.theantidrug.com/partners/become_involved.asp

FOOD and behavior!

OK so I am working with this family and they were concerned about how hyper their 5 year old child was. While at their house the dad prepared a snack right in front of my...Coca cola over ice not straight up , chocolate chip cookies, and a few mini marshmallows!!!!!!!

Now, I am certain most people must realize that caffeine and sugar will cause an energy boost.

I asked about the snack and the parents said that he liked these things. Wait they also said he would get upset if he didn't get these delicious delights.

I will not go into the rest but I will just say to all parents. There are a few things that can make parenting much easier. The first most basic thing parents can do is plan, be creative, and only purchase healthy foods with the least amount of sugar and caffeine possible. Read the labels, because you will learn that sugar is the second ingredient in many foods if not the first!

Children naturally have lots of energy. They have more energy than adults and do not really need energy boosters to get them through their day.

Caffeine and sugar can create symptoms which mimic those of ADHD Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.

Please check out the following video.

http://www.ehow.com/video_4400862_controlling-caffeine-sugar-adhd.html

Please teach your children to eat healthy at an early age, then it will be much easier to teach appropriate healthy thinking and behaviors. The food our children eat will contribute to their health, mental and physical health.